Top 10: Inappropriate Wedding Songs

Wedded bliss…. for me, this phrase seems to epitomise the definition of juxtaposition. I suppose it’s because I was never one of those girls who daydreamed about a big white wedding dress and walking down the aisle amidst a flurry of doves… I never bought into that fairytale.

Of course, I am always totally swept up in the emotion of my friends’ wedding days.  But truthfully, I have never wanted it to be me up there saying “I Do”. Thus, I will happily remain ever the bridesmaid, never the bride… Actually, that’s not true either…. I have never been a bridesmaid. Perhaps my propensity for impulsive interpretative dance outbursts makes me too much of a liability for people’s big days. On several occasions in years gone past, however, I have been given the honor of being the wedding playlist coordinator. To me, that’s more of a compliment than asking me to dress the same as 3 or more people at the wedding will ever be!

Now, there is a certain knack to compiling the perfect wedding playlist, but that’s not what I am going to explore today. Instead, I am going to list my top 10 picks for inappropriate wedding songs. Now, when I say “inappropriate”, I am not referring to tunes that should be avoided  due to an overload of cheese (eg. The Greatest Love Of All by Whitney Houston) ; or those that should be skipped due to inspiring synchronised dance moves (e.g The Macarena). I am talking about songs that ought to be left out because on a day whose primary purpose is to usher in a lifetime of wedded bliss, no one needs a reminder that Cinderella was just a Disney movie.

10. I Used To Love Her (But I Had To Kill Her)- G’n’R: I mean, really… save this one for your 10th wedding anniversary!

9. Jessie’s Girl- Rick Springfield: Hopefully it’s not what the best man is thinking… better not put any ideas into his head.

8. Gold Digger- Kanye West: It may have been appropriate at the wedding of Brynne and Geoffrey Edelsten, but apart from that, best to leave this one out…

7. You Can’t Always Get What You Want- Rolling Stones: A song that encourages settling for second best- probably better to leave it out and go with Wild Horses!

6. I Wanna Kiss The Bride- Elton John: It’s OK if Elton wants to kiss her, but seriously… no one else.

5. I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For- U2: Such a beautiful song, but best enjoy it on a day other than the one in which you are marrying the supposed love of your life.

4. I Kissed a Girl- Jill Sobule: Not entirely appropriate from either the bride’s or groom’s point of view, so definitely better delete this one from the list.

3. Since I Left You- Avalanches: I have no doubt that when this song was first released, there were plenty of people that used it as a wedding song, because they had misheard the lyrics and thought it said “Since I met you, I found the world so new!” That fills me with a wicked sense of schadenfreude.

2. Better Man- Pearl Jam:She lies and says she’s in love with him- can’t find a better man…..” Is there anything else to be said? Fast forward!

1. Don’t Marry Her (Fuck Me)- The Beautiful South: I have to admit, I have been tempted to drop this one into a couple of wedding playlists for later on in the evening after guests have guzzled all the free champagne and are stumbling around the dance floor in the vein attempt to retain the glamorous aura in which they arrived. It’s such a pretty song that you almost can’t believe the lyrics. It is for that reason the The Beautiful South take out my number one spot.

There you have it. I’m sure there are a few crackers that I have missed. Be sure to drop me a line or leave your comments or additions below!



4 Comments on “Top 10: Inappropriate Wedding Songs

  1. I am laughing so hard I can hardly write, you are so funny Vanessa!
    I have been to a lot of weddings where the music was really weird and can only assume they liked the tune but did not listen to the words, or did not care!
    You are a very talented writer so hope you are doing some copy writing or putting a novel together, maybe writing children’s books? Looking forward to your next issue.

  2. Ball and Chain – Janis
    Yesterday – Paul McCartney

    Just the first couple that come to mind, mercy me I have told Dawsey if he wants to get married it will be a karaoke wedding featuring several Kiss ballads and a solo. I figure if he really wants me I will know for sure. Love your playlists Ta xo

  3. Ah Nesso you are so bloody insightful at times. Love this topic. We had a great one when we were sorting out our wedding music. Siro wanted Shiny Apple by the Waifs. Very pretty song. Lyrics not so much. ‘Oh but it makes me feel helpless to stand and watch while you rot away.’ Who said romance is dead. In his defence he said he never listened to lyrics. Hope to hell not!